Feeling the Pink Love

We held momma's memorial service on a Saturday - I don't remember much more about it. I was still in the heavy, unrelenting fog of grief.  I spoke at her funeral as she requested but wasn't sure if I even made sense to anyone.
And then, the following Monday, I went back to work. I must have lost my mind! What was I thinking? I thought if I stayed in my office with the door shut, I'd be fine. But then my friend called me and said she was bringing breakfast and what did I want?  I said nothing. But she insisted.  Then she called back and wanted me to come out to the car. Really?! Can you just not let me have one morning in peace? Can you just not bother me today? But she kept at it and I finally said fine, I'd be right out.
So I walked out the door....and lost it. Because there in the back parking lot of work, were about six pink fire trucks from the Pink Heals tour.  All the friends that I had met while volunteering with them several years before.  All there to support me in my time of need, and to honor my momma.  Unbelievable, but exactly what I needed!

Getting through It

Everyone handles grief differently and no one should tell you what is appropriate as to how you handle yours.  Here are some ways I got myself through it:


1)  Sit quietly and remember all the fun things you did together.  One of my favorite memories is when my Momma and I went away for the weekend on one of my birthdays.  We took a short trip to Blowing Rock, NC and stayed in an adorable motel right off of main street.  It snowed like the devil, which only made it that much more perfect.  We went in every store, tried on all the silly hats we could find, and held hands as we slipped and slid all the way down main street!  We had a cozy lunch with tea at a restaurant in front of a beautiful stone fireplace, and bought one-of-a-kind Christmas decorations (that I still have).
2)  Get out the guest book from the funeral and all the sympathy cards you received.  Yes, it sounds morbid, but it works, trust me.  Look at all the names of the people who attended the funeral - they all came to honor your special person.  When I did this, there were names of people that I had no idea had even attended the funeral.  I was pleased to see all that attended and thought about how good that would have made Momma feel.  The sympathy cards were a little harder, but still as effective.  I took each one out and read them and thought about how many people she truly touched during her life. I won't lie to you, it's hard to read all the messages of love and caring because it brings you back to that time of loss.  Ultimately though, it lessens the hurt, which makes this a worthwhile exercise.
3)  Talk about them.  Keep talking about them, even when other people stop. Tell funny stories about them.  Tell the stories they used to tell. I found myself on a daily basis saying, "remember when momma did this....".  It's hard at first and it made me cry, but after awhile, it becomes a joy to remember and it does make it easier.
4)  Listen to music.  Don't worry - no new age shit coming here - just simply listen to music.  It helps.  A few years back I had made momma a CD that had all her favorite songs on it.  This is what I listened to.  At first I cried through every song, and that's okay. That is actually a good thing because crying helps you heal.  Now when I listen to her CD, I don't cry anymore. I think about how much she loved these songs I am hearing and how lucky that I was the one that provided her with something that brought her such happiness.


Everyone is different, but these were the top 4 things that helped me the most - I hope they help you.